I feel like I'm really "in the zone" now - I'm not even tempted to go off program, even when things get stressful. This is a feeling I remember from 2002/2003, but honestly haven't felt again since.
What's the "zone" difference?
I have no idea, and honestly, if I did know I'd quit my job, bottle it and become a gazillionnaire. But there are a few things I can point to that might be making a difference for me this time:
- Child is now 4, and is at an age when kids start to get mean to each other. (I know this because a little girl greets me at daycare every morning to point out something she finds objectionable about Child's behaviour, outfit, choice of show-and-tell item, or whatever is on her list for that day.) I am suddenly keenly aware that classmates might humiliate Child with "your mom is fat."
- Child is also increasingly learning lifestyle lessons by watching what parents do. This was of course always the case - but because so much more of it is verbalized now, it's somehow more real to me, and I feel even more responsibility to set a good example.
- I have drawn enormous inspiration from my sister's marathon last month, and from her determination to see such a difficult goal to the end. She has helped me believe I can do this - and is supporting me daily with messages, advice, phone calls, music mixes, shorter-term motivational goals (a 5K in May! stay tuned!), recipes... and treadmill technical support!
- I have a partner-in-arms in Mae. We've both been miserable about our weight for ages, and have gone on and off short-term plans a few times, but we are actually holding one another accountable, through this blog among other things. Like me, she struggles with motivation; she really understands how hard this is (not just in theory), and is a great sounding-board.
- Husband is being incredibly supportive, which he always has been in the past - but somehow this time, even more so. It's like he can feel my stronger resolve this time, and wants to help nurture it.
It has to be tough to be the spouse of a lifetime yo-yo dieter. It's like having a good girlfriend who goes out with a guy you don't like: when they break up you tell her what a jerk you thought he was... and the next thing you know they're back together. I'm sure he's always measuring his words - he wants me to know he supports me when I'm on program, but he never says anything to suggest that the loves me any less or thinks I'm any less beautiful when I'm not.
If I ask him about it directly he tells me he knows I'm happier when I'm fitter, but most importantly he wants me to be healthy - beyond that, he claims to think I'm pretty no matter my size. Maybe he just looks at me with his heart rather than his eyes, maybe he's lying... but I have to say, for a guy who occasionally puts his foot in his mouth, he has managed a 15-year relationship with a yo-yoer remarkably well.
I have so many, many reasons to want to be around and healthy for a long time - these people are just the start of a long list.
Lost this week: 2.8
Lost so far: 20
Still remaining: 80
Activity points earned this week: 15
Weeks to go: 46