Monday, March 28, 2011

Annie: weigh-in week 24

Talk about a setback.

In the last half of last week, I really did run off the rails - I was very tired of being sick and feeling like hell all the time, wasn't sleeping because I was coughing all the time, and I consoled myself with food.

But I didn't go insane and eat junk constantly for 4 days, which I think I likely would have had to do to gain 10 real pounds in a week.

So I'm taking this pragmatically, and attributing it to a combination of weight-loss illusions over the last two weeks while I was sick with the flu, and water weight which is now a factor, and just re-focusing. I'm mentally back where I need to be, and physically it'll follow.

I did get back on the treadmill yesterday and made it through my second session in two weeks - but was able to sleep through the night last night without any coughing fits, so am pretty sure I'll be able to resume my normal schedule now. Coach Mo says I should repeat my last week of my conditioning plan because my body will be a bit shocked to get back into the routine, so that's what I'm doing.

Weight loss: 3 weeks' ground lost.
Running program: 2 weeks lost.

I hope that's my last flu for a while.

GAIN this week: 9.9
Lost so far: 51.5
Still remaining: 48.5
Activity points earned this week: 5
Weeks to go: 28

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Annie: weigh-in week 23

This was a bad week. I had a flu that was worse than any flu I've ever had, I'm pretty sure - and I'm not over it yet.

The upshot is a big loss that isn't likely real (I wasn't eating a whole lot - felt like garbage), and almost a week away from the treadmill.

I managed to do one treadmill session on Sunday, but one out of the four I shoot for every week (three of which are required for my 5K conditioning program) is not satisfying at all.

I am generally feeling better, but am still coughing like a maniac - so treadmill is still a bit iffy. (Yesterday I was thinking I was on a quick rebound, as Sunday's treadmill session hadn't been too bad... but then last night I had a coughing fit so bad that I choked, and burst blood vessels in my eyelids in the process. I'm the vision of loveliness today, let me tell you, with my two black eyes.)

So the bottom line is, we'll see how this week goes. I'm feeling well enough to have my appetite back, but not thinking I'll be able to double-up on treadmill visits as I'd hoped. I'll be interesting to see how this all shakes out.

Loss this week: 6.2
Lost so far: 61.4
Still remaining: 38.6
Activity points earned this week: 5
Weeks to go: 29

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Mae: Week 22 weigh-in

Oopsy about not reporting in last week (I was distracted and busy), but there is very little change to report.

However, I was chatting with Annie on the weekend about what she has blogged, below. I have always subscribed to this theory: that I have something akin to an 'addiction.' And I believe that my own dysfunctional background, and the way in which food (bad food) was used as a substitute for anything and everything emotional, has everything to do with it. It's my history, as much as I wish it wasn't.

I realize that WW is a 'lifestyle' blah blah blah not a diet blah blah, but that generally all goes out the window when I'm in crisis and need a crutch to just keep the pieces together. One side of my family is plagued with a nasty history of alcoholism, and this all sounds far too familiar to me. Food, just like liquor, cannot be the answer, and I know that in the academic sense. To say that I come by these bad habits honestly is an understatement. I have a lot of unlearning to do, especially during those more vulnerable moments. Like Annie, I too will *always* have to be vigilant.

Weigh-in: -0.4
Loss to date: 20.2
Pounds to go: 61.8

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Annie: weigh-in week 22

This week, I learned something about myself: I will always have an eating disorder.

I don't want to disrespect alcoholics by suggesting my challenge is equivalent to theirs, because I know that it isn't, at all.

But there are some similarities -- and one seems to be that once you have an addiction problem, you will always have an addiction problem.

Saturday was kind of wild at my house - as many Saturdays are. We were busy, busy, busy - errands, people to see, grocery shopping to do, treadmill to enjoy (ha! that's actually true!) - and by suppertime, I had only managed to eat 4 PP (partly because fruits are now free, and I'd only had fruit for breakfast before treadmilling).

So I started thinking about how I've been jonesing for pizza for some time now -- not having had pizzeria pizza since this Thanksgiving Project began. I figured there's no better time than when you have almost your whole day's points allotment intact -- not to mention 35 weekly points still in the bank and 15 activity points earned -- to splurge a bit.

Boston Pizza got the call -- I mean, if it's going to be once in 5 months, you want to make it worth the points, right? Right.

I had more than enough PP to have a whole small pepperoni pizza to myself. I gave Child a piece - so that was even better. The pizza was everything I'd remembered and imagined, and I loved it. Well worth the PP.

The problem was, it didn't stop there.

It was like I was in a trance. I went from the pizza to the chocolate chip cookies Child and I had made that afternoon (I've been baking throughout this project, and have never once been tempted enough to taste any of it), to a small popcorn WITH BUTTER at the movies that night.  (I had a diet Coke with the popcorn, but by that point, it was pretty much academic.)

As I rounded the clubhouse turn on the popcorn, I started to feel really awful. And I'm not talking about guilt: I'm talking about my gut.  It was like there was a big stone in it, and I didn't even want to think how much fun it'd be digesting that thing.

While I expected to be awake all night with stomach acid, I actually slept pretty well. But then, when I awoke, it was like I'd been time-warped back to pre-Thanksgiving.

My face was very oily.

I was having hot flashes.

I felt fat and ugly.

It was only one night, but it had me feeling like I hadn't gained any ground at all. Sunday was a day for austerity measures - I left 15 PP on the table, for penance as much as in the hopes of evening things out.

I've been reading Jeff Garlin's My footprint: carrying the weight of the world, about his battle with food addiction, and in the chapter I read later that day, he reflected on a meditation from the Pritikin Longevity Center about how food addicts can't ever let their guard down; that the next binge is only a moment away.

I've written here before about how I once lost 75 pounds to get to my goal weight - only to almost immediately gain it back. Since then, I've realized that I hadn't really changed my lifestyle that time around -- I'd let it be a diet, and that's why it didn't last.

Had you asked me last week, I'd have said this time was different. It's been five months, I've slain those demons, and I'm not at risk of succumbing to binges anymore.

But clearly, I'd have been wrong. Again.

Even once I get to my goal (and I will!), I will always have to be vigilant.

Loss this week: 0.9
Lost so far: 55.2
Still remaining: 44.8
Activity points earned this week: 15
Weeks to go: 30

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Annie: Weigh-in week 21

Sorry - forgot to blog.

Was checking throughout the week, and it appears this weight was lost before Wednesday last week - have been holding steady since. Also, interestingly, I didn't get to start my treadmill sessions for the week until Wednesday. Hmmm!

Loss this week: 1.7
Lost so far: 54.3
Still remaining: 45.7
Activity points earned this week: 15
Weeks to go: 31

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Annie:The view from Pikermi

Not long after Mae and I launched the Thanksgiving Project, The Faithful Mo ran her first marathon - THE marathon, from Marathon, Greece to Athens.

I was (and am still!) amazed by that tremendous accomplishment, and remember being inspired that, even though the road to a hundred-pound weight loss seemed impossible from where I sat at the time, Mo might have felt daunted by the road in front of her, too, in the beginning.

I began thinking about my weight loss as a marathon of my own - though obviously it's not really the same thing! But as challenges of commitment and focus go, this was about as a big an "ask" as I could think of making myself.

So this week, as I (finally!) hit my halfway mark, I wanted to see my progress on my marathon.

Mo - do you remember Pikermi at all? What's it like? How tired were you? Did the halfway mark charge you, or did you have any doubts at that point?

As for me, I'm pretty sure I'm going to make it to my finish line - though after the last 3 weeks of plateau, I'm not necessarily confident it'll happen by Thanksgiving. If it did, it would complete the narrative nicely - but this story is about so much more than that.

If it doesn't, I'll just keep running until it does. :o)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Mae: Week 20 weigh-in

Busy busy busy and no time to chat. Congrats Annie!

Weigh-in: -1.6
Loss to date: 19.8
Pounds to go: 62.2