Annie: George Eliot

I watched the season finale of Brothers & Sisters this week, and was struck by Nora Walker's quote from George Eliot at the end: "It is never too late to be what you might have been."

"Was" vs. "might have been"

I was "fat" in my mind long before my body was overweight.

I look at pictures from high school, and my heart breaks to see a girl embarrassed to have her picture taken because her size 12 dress is so embarrassingly huge.

It became a self-fulfilling prophecy: the less I believed in myself, the less I took care of myself. I hated my appearance and battled my weight throughout my teens, twenties, thirties (except for about a month after I lost the 70 lbs in 2003), and the first couple of years of my forties.

Then, after years of gentle support, The Faithful Mo broke through.

Not that Mo was responsible for this Thanksgiving Project - that was my own, latest "big idea" to get myself together. (It followed far too many other unsuccessful "big ideas" to even mention.) With that said, when I floated the idea with her (you have to realize this was likely the 50th "big idea" she'd had to listen to, and might well have expected to suffer the same fate as all the others), she was enthusiastic and promised to be a faithful reader (which, as you might have noticed from our comments, she is!).

But the difference between this time and all the other times is that this time, I'm actually liking my body.

Not how it looks naked - frankly, I don't know if that will ever happen! Had I gotten my act together in my 20s, maybe... But how it works, and what it can do. And that's where Mo gets the credit.

In 2003, I lost the weight, fine. But it was all about food, even then. I counted carefully, I journaled faithfully... until I stopped doing those things. And then everything was back to "normal" - I ate huge volumes of garbage, I didn't exercise, and I gained it all back.

Now, though the food remains a struggle (and always will), I am actually enjoying exercise, for the first time in my life.

As a kid I played hours and hours of tennis, and loved it - but not because it was exercise, because it was fun. Getting older, I didn't have all day and all night to play, and I moved away from my tennis-playing friends and family... and my body didn't cooperate the way it had before. While I had never been a particularly good tennis player, the playing had come easily (physically). Now, it no longer did.

So for decades now, I'd been hating all forms of exercise - until I started to run.

I won't say that running is "fun" for me, or even that I exactly enjoy doing it. But I love the feeling of having done it each and every time I go out -- and I love the feeling that I can do it. I never believed I could, but I can.

Mo, and her husband, and our brother and sister-in-law, and my own husband, all runners, told me I could run if I wanted to -- but for years I simply didn't believe them. My body had let me down in so many ways for so many years - orthopedic problems, arthritis, miscarriages, etc etc... I just had no faith that it could do anything beyond simple survival. Mo tried again and again, gently, to encourage me, but my faith in my own body was so low that I never even tried, until now.

Thanksgiving Project + Mo's 5K training program = the key

Today, I sat outside on the front step and changed out the laces on my running shoes to new special ones I bought at The Running Room (they apparently won't come untied while you're running - a big problem for me for some reason!). As I laced them up, I found myself excited for tomorrow morning's run, to try them out.

Me, excited to go out tomorrow morning and try out new shoelaces.

I still kind of can't believe it, and I don't think about it too much, because I'm afraid somehow the spell will break. After all, it's only been a couple of months, after more than 20 years of hating my body and having no faith in it.

But that Eliot line struck something in me, and somehow gave me permission to accept that maybe I can be a runner, and maybe I can be comfortable with my body, however it ends up looking.

I'm 42 now, and I'm angry to think of how my "good" years (beauty-wise!) were wasted in this vicious food battle. But, with luck, 42 isn't the end of the line, and if that's how long it took me to find my stride, then I should just be thankful that it didn't take me until 52. Or 62. Or, terrifyingly, until it was too late.

It's never too late to be what you might have been.

I have faith, and I feel good, starting now.

Thanks Mo.   :)

The Faithful Mo's guest post: "Carbs aren't the devil"

Annie asked me if I was interested in writing a guest post about how nutritional needs for athletes are different than for others.  I thought this was a good idea, especially in this age of Atkins and similar “carbs are the devil” diets, to explain how carbohydrates can really be your friend if you’re active and to give some guidance to those reading who exercise for longer periods of time.  Honestly, this post is a little hypocritical of me to write considering I had gastro-intestinal (GI) issues during my first marathon from unwise fuelling the days before my race but all I can say is - do as I say, not as I do!  And as a firm believer in “you learn a lot more from your mistakes than you do from your successes”, I will certainly not be making that mistake again.

Talk to anyone who does any type of sport at any competitive level and they will tell you that they rely on carbs to keep their energy up.  This is not an excuse to pig out on pasta the days before a big race or big game.  This is simple science.

The simple fact is, your body can only store enough energy (glycogen) to sustain about 90 minutes of exercise.  After this point, without extra fuelling, you’re in danger of running out of energy and doing as they say in running circles “hitting the wall”.  Poorly fuelled muscles are associated with needless fatigue so the more glycogen stores you have, the more endurance you will have.  This fatigue is not only represented by tired body parts, it also seriously affects your mind and how mentally strong (or weak) you are.  It’s amazing, really.

How carbs can help

You can extend your endurance either by storing up glycogen before your event, replenishing glycogen during your event, or both, using carbs. 

Replenishing glycogen involves consuming carbs during the event.  Thanks to sports drinks and gels, this is becoming easier and easier to do while “on the run”.  For athletes in sports that are given breaks and a convenient place to store their gear, like tennis players on changeovers for example, they have the luxury of being able to use much more cumbersome forms of carbs, like bananas.  Runners unfortunately have limited space to store their carbs and therefore usually rely on sports drinks and gels.  I don’t think you’ll ever see a runner go by with a bunch of bananas strapped to their fuel belt!

Popular during event carbs – Gatorade, trail mix, sports gel:

Increasing your glycogen stores involves “carb loading” the days leading up to your event.  This is generally only required when your event is longer than 90 minutes but even if your event is shorter, you will reach the starting line with maximum energy already in your system to perform at your best.   Most people associate carb-loading with plates upon plates of pasta, but there are many other forms of great carbs if you’re not a pasta person (but really, who isn’t a pasta person?!).

The trick to both storing and replenishment is knowing how much to do and when to do it.  Not enough or not often enough and you’ll run out of gas.  Too much or too often and you’ll likely wind up with GI problems.  Just like training for your sport, this too has to be practiced so you can figure out what routine is good for you on your big day.

Carbs’ best friend: protein

To make the effect of your carbs last even longer, pair them with protein.  Protein slows the digestion of carbs, which encourages the body to release energy slowly and steadily, rather than a quick hit – something that is crucial for endurance events.   Have pasta with chicken or a poached egg on toast.

Carb-loading doesn’t mean fat-loading

Be careful as fat often comes together with carbs.  Instead of eating a roll slathered with butter, eat 2 rolls.  Instead of cream sauce on your pasta, have tomato sauce or primavera.  Some fat is needed of course but don’t stray from your normal fat intake. In fact, you shouldn’t even increase your daily caloric intake, just increase the proportion of your calories that comes from carbs. 

Yes you will gain weight - temporarily

Your body will automatically store an additional few grams of water for every gram of glycogen so during the days leading up to your event it is common to gain a bit of weight.  This extra weight is primarily made up of the carbs you’ll need to get through your event so don’t worry, you will use it all up!

Not all carbs are created equal

There are good carbs and bad carbs.  This is pretty simple but it should be mentioned.  While beer is a source of carbs, not a good pre-event choice.  Post-event, for sure!

There are so many factors in play on your big day, whatever competition it may be.  Things like the weather and your opponent are totally out of your control but if you have worked really hard, the last thing you want is for something like an upset stomach or heavy legs to keep you from performing at your best.  Ask me on June 1^st how my marathon went and I can assure you, I will not be telling you I had 3 porta-potty stops!

Taken during my 1^st marathon, at about km 18:

Good training and good eating!

Annie: I ran for two minutes!

Haha, I know, big deal. But to me, it really is!

I've been reading John Stanton's book "Running," which I wrote about in my last post. One of the pieces of advice he gives is that you should look to increase your challenge to yourself in your workouts somehow every week or so, both to push yourself to improve and to guard against boredom.

At my stage of the game, I'm pretty sure that just getting back on the treadmill multiple times a week is taking care of improving things - so I'm not too worried about that. But I am easily bored when exercising, which is why I was always better at sports like tennis, which involve some competition and keeping track of score (even if I usually lost!) than individual, solitary sports like running. Once my mind starts to wander, I'm sunk.

Last week I added a couple of minutes to the duration of my treadmill sessions (now up to 42) - today, I added a couple of minutes of honest to goodness running: one at the 18:30 mark and one at 29:00.

I can't believe I will ever be able to run many minutes consecutively - but I've also read numerous testimonials of runners who've said the very same thing. Stanton himself talks about having started out overweight, running in the wee hours of the morning so his neighbours wouldn't see him struggling to make it from lamppost to lamppost. So we'll see!

The other thing that keeps me from getting bored? The new playlist the faithful Mo made for me! It has something like 76 songs on it, so I'm good for a couple of weeks before I run into repeats. It's great! She's going to make me a race playlist for Ottawa, which I'll hear for the first time that day - fun!

I've already requested that a song from my latest playlist be included... here it is (turns out I'm a Flo Rida fan - who knew?!). I dare you to sit still!

Annie: Weigh-in week 10

I was expecting to be up this week, because

1) it's water week, and
2) I snuck a peek at the scale last Thursday and saw I was down quite a bit, then snuck a sneak preview again yesterday and discovered I'd "gained" 4 lbs since Thursday's sneak peek (see #1).

So when I hit the scale this morning, I was the same as yesterday - which I thought was up a pound from last week - but which, I learned upon entering it into the WW online weight tracker, was actually down 1.2.  I'll take it!

Today was a great day - the faithful Mo is visiting, so I am enjoying my new iPod playlist immensely on the treadmill, not to mention excellent support, company, and new low-Points+ meal ideas!

We ate out at Applebee's today after mani/pedis, and I had the Spicy Shrimp Diavolo (same dish I had in America with Mae a month or so back). It was OK, but nothing to write home about - and 15 Points+. May not be doing that one again. I mean, the Points+ weren't crazy bad, but the meal wasn't crazy good, either. 'Nuff said.

But for dinner, I enjoyed not only the company of the faithful Mo but Mae, too! We had the Chicken Chilaquiles out of the America's Test Kitchen cookbook which Mae wrote about here - they were pretty awesome, if you ask me. We had a tossed salad with fat-free ranch dressing to which we'd added chopped fresh cilantro, and which also had avocado and fat-free cheddar in it- aces.

Here's the faithful Mo's photo of the chilaquiles leftovers - bet they'll be just as good tomorrow!

Lost this week: 1.2
Lost so far: 29
Still remaining: 71
Activity points earned this week: 21
Weeks to go: 42