I promise, I do intend to post the second half of my "figuring it out" blog -- I just have to get myself out of a little time crunch I'm currently in. But in the meantime, I wanted to just touch base with my handful of loyal readers about where this blog will go from here.
As you may have noticed, my posts have gotten pretty thin in recent months... truthfully, I haven't found that much new to say every week.
While I've crossed the 100-pound line (in fact, 103 pounds as of yesterday morning!), I don't feel like I'm quite done: now that I know what my body looks like/how it behaves at this weight, I think I'd like to try to lose another 10. But I'm not going to keep posting results every Monday - I fully expect I'll keep following the plateau 3 weeks/lose 1 or 2 pattern, and it would be as boring for me to write as it would be for you to read!
Sometime in the next month or so, I'm also going to hit a Weight Watchers meeting to find out how maintenance works on the new program, as it may have changed since my last go-round. I'll likely post about that, whenever I find the time to fit the meeting in!
I promise, though, to complete the narrative of this blog, with a final post after the 10K race on Thanksgiving weekend. It's only a month away, and I can't wait!
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 47
Had a little cry this morning.
Loss this week: 3.1
Lost so far: 100.6
Still remaining: 0
Activity points earned this week: 36
Weeks to go: 5
Loss this week: 3.1
Lost so far: 100.6
Still remaining: 0
Activity points earned this week: 36
Weeks to go: 5
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 45
I'm reporting a loss this week from my weigh-in Monday morning, but by this morning the loss had been all but made back. It's the pattern, and I'm fine with it.
No big news this week, though I've been enjoying seeing people whom I haven't seen all summer - it's a nice confidence booster. My favourite comment so far: "It looks like the summer was good for you!"
It was, indeed. "You look 10 years younger!" was a close second.
:D
I hope to blog this week with the second half of my "figuring it out" post; just need to find some time to do the story some justice.
Loss this week: 1.5
Lost so far: 97.1
Still remaining: 2.9
Activity points earned this week: 40
Weeks to go: 7
No big news this week, though I've been enjoying seeing people whom I haven't seen all summer - it's a nice confidence booster. My favourite comment so far: "It looks like the summer was good for you!"
It was, indeed. "You look 10 years younger!" was a close second.
:D
I hope to blog this week with the second half of my "figuring it out" post; just need to find some time to do the story some justice.
Loss this week: 1.5
Lost so far: 97.1
Still remaining: 2.9
Activity points earned this week: 40
Weeks to go: 7
Friday, August 19, 2011
Annie: Figuring it out (part 1)
I am just finishing a book, Women, Food and God, which I think is going to change my life. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but there it is.
It was recommended to me by a friend I haven't seen in some time, making me think somehow Providence nudged us to meet for lunch this week, so she could share this gift with me. (If you're reading, friend, thank you.)
I'm kind of mid-revelation right now, so don't feel equipped to explain it to this blog quite yet... but I will, I promise, sooner than later.
In the meantime, I was searching Oprah.com for clips from author Geneen Roth's appearance on the show, and came across a video montage of diverse, unhappy women talking about their bodies and food -- and realized that I either have been or completely understand each one of those women.
I can't embed the video here, but if you're interested -- and even more importantly, if you feel helpless in your battle with your weight and feel like no-one understands -- click this link.
It was recommended to me by a friend I haven't seen in some time, making me think somehow Providence nudged us to meet for lunch this week, so she could share this gift with me. (If you're reading, friend, thank you.)
I'm kind of mid-revelation right now, so don't feel equipped to explain it to this blog quite yet... but I will, I promise, sooner than later.
In the meantime, I was searching Oprah.com for clips from author Geneen Roth's appearance on the show, and came across a video montage of diverse, unhappy women talking about their bodies and food -- and realized that I either have been or completely understand each one of those women.
I can't embed the video here, but if you're interested -- and even more importantly, if you feel helpless in your battle with your weight and feel like no-one understands -- click this link.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 41
As expected, this week's weigh-in reflects a re-settling of the water stores. Interestingly (to me), I was even down another 2 lbs for a few days last week, before re-gaining them (and the additional 0.6) for weigh-in yesterday. What a strange system.
Could the wee gain also be partially related to the TWO movies I attended over the weekend, at EACH of which I consumed a small bag of movie popcorn, at about a kajillion milligrams of sodium apiece? Possibly! Worth it? As my idol Sarah Palin would say, "you betcha!"
[Permission to commence flaming in the comments.]
I had the Points headroom for the popcorn, so I just entered it and enjoyed it. If the sodium did actually contribute to water gain, it'll be gone by next week. It's surprising how OK I've become with that.
A few notes from this week.
1. As much as I'm a blowhard about all this here, hidden by my blog, I'm still humiliated by this whole thing.
I've only revealed this blog to people I trust not to judge me.
It's a funny thing - anyone who looked at me a year ago (and even a few months ago) could have told you I had an unhealthy approach to feeding myself. It was no secret, it was visible to the naked eye. So why is it so humiliating to admit to?
You might say: people will be supportive of your efforts to deal with your problem.
I might say: yes, but they'll still be thinking of me as a person with a weakness they don't have, and will judge me for it.
You might say: people think about your weight far less than you think they do.
I might say: probably true, but that has absolutely no impact on how I feel about anything.
You might say: but you've lost almost 100 pounds! You're not that person anymore!
I would definitely say: I am exactly that same person; I just wear smaller clothes now.
It's a long, long road to being OK with all this... which leads me to note #2.
2. Say what you will about Oprah, she is very brave when it comes to her struggles with food, and deserves a huge amount of respect.
I don't watch Oprah as a rule, but I saw ads for yesterday's show last week and wasn't going to miss it: it was 100 of her viewers who've each lost more than 100 lbs, having been inspired by something they saw on her show.
She kicked off the show with a retrospective about her own struggle with her weight and with food addiction, in a way that I appreciated for its candour. Given my hang-ups about admitting to my weight, my weight problem, and my food issues, especially given that I don't have an entire industry of tabloid "journalists" and comedians making it their careers to publicly ridicule me for my failings, I can't imagine what balls it must take for her to talk openly about it. Wow.
But then...
3. I wish Oprah would change her language about weight.
As she described her guests' struggles with their weight, Oprah used language like "her weight ballooned to...". I would have expected Oprah to understand how words can hurt. Or maybe I'm just too sensitive.
4. I don't see my weight loss the way other "big losers" seem to.
In that same show, Oprah talked with selected guests about their own weight losses, and each time, showed their "before" pictures. As she discussed their accomplishments and journeys, she asked them what they would tell that person in the "before" picture, and most said something along the lines of "if you don't deal with this, you're going to die."
That's not what I'd tell 90-pounds-ago me, though it's very possibly true.
I'd tell the smiling woman in my "before" pictures "you feel alone, but you're not." Though I have always been surrounded by people who love and support and value me, being that big was the loneliest feeling I've ever had.
Nowadays, I don't feel that way as much - I think I "blend in" better with the rest of the population... visually, at least. But I'm not really one of them: I still struggle with food every single day, regardless of my size.
I am a very fat girl in a less-fat body. Will that ever change? I've no idea.
Time will tell, I guess.
GAIN this week: 0.6
Lost so far: 89.2
Still remaining: 10.8
Activity points earned this week: 38
Weeks to go: 11
Could the wee gain also be partially related to the TWO movies I attended over the weekend, at EACH of which I consumed a small bag of movie popcorn, at about a kajillion milligrams of sodium apiece? Possibly! Worth it? As my idol Sarah Palin would say, "you betcha!"
[Permission to commence flaming in the comments.]
I had the Points headroom for the popcorn, so I just entered it and enjoyed it. If the sodium did actually contribute to water gain, it'll be gone by next week. It's surprising how OK I've become with that.
A few notes from this week.
1. As much as I'm a blowhard about all this here, hidden by my blog, I'm still humiliated by this whole thing.
I've only revealed this blog to people I trust not to judge me.
It's a funny thing - anyone who looked at me a year ago (and even a few months ago) could have told you I had an unhealthy approach to feeding myself. It was no secret, it was visible to the naked eye. So why is it so humiliating to admit to?
You might say: people will be supportive of your efforts to deal with your problem.
I might say: yes, but they'll still be thinking of me as a person with a weakness they don't have, and will judge me for it.
You might say: people think about your weight far less than you think they do.
I might say: probably true, but that has absolutely no impact on how I feel about anything.
You might say: but you've lost almost 100 pounds! You're not that person anymore!
I would definitely say: I am exactly that same person; I just wear smaller clothes now.
It's a long, long road to being OK with all this... which leads me to note #2.
2. Say what you will about Oprah, she is very brave when it comes to her struggles with food, and deserves a huge amount of respect.
I don't watch Oprah as a rule, but I saw ads for yesterday's show last week and wasn't going to miss it: it was 100 of her viewers who've each lost more than 100 lbs, having been inspired by something they saw on her show.
She kicked off the show with a retrospective about her own struggle with her weight and with food addiction, in a way that I appreciated for its candour. Given my hang-ups about admitting to my weight, my weight problem, and my food issues, especially given that I don't have an entire industry of tabloid "journalists" and comedians making it their careers to publicly ridicule me for my failings, I can't imagine what balls it must take for her to talk openly about it. Wow.
But then...
3. I wish Oprah would change her language about weight.
As she described her guests' struggles with their weight, Oprah used language like "her weight ballooned to...". I would have expected Oprah to understand how words can hurt. Or maybe I'm just too sensitive.
4. I don't see my weight loss the way other "big losers" seem to.
In that same show, Oprah talked with selected guests about their own weight losses, and each time, showed their "before" pictures. As she discussed their accomplishments and journeys, she asked them what they would tell that person in the "before" picture, and most said something along the lines of "if you don't deal with this, you're going to die."
That's not what I'd tell 90-pounds-ago me, though it's very possibly true.
I'd tell the smiling woman in my "before" pictures "you feel alone, but you're not." Though I have always been surrounded by people who love and support and value me, being that big was the loneliest feeling I've ever had.
Nowadays, I don't feel that way as much - I think I "blend in" better with the rest of the population... visually, at least. But I'm not really one of them: I still struggle with food every single day, regardless of my size.
I am a very fat girl in a less-fat body. Will that ever change? I've no idea.
Time will tell, I guess.
GAIN this week: 0.6
Lost so far: 89.2
Still remaining: 10.8
Activity points earned this week: 38
Weeks to go: 11
Monday, July 18, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 40
I'm 40 weeks in, and I still can't explain this strange roller-coaster of weight-loss. I swear, my behaviour doesn't change week to week particularly, other than that I run slightly longer each week (like, enough to account for maybe 2 Activity PointsPlus). That's it; other than the phases of the moon, there's nothing to explain this.
With this loss, I'm once again confident that I'll make the Thanksgiving deadline for my 100 pounds - but I'm also confident that a nonsense gain isn't too far in my future, as they seem to follow super-awesome loss weeks. It'll suck, but I'll have to just come back and read this post to remind myself of what will follow.
"Can you eat this?"
There is a person in my life whom I love, and who loves me. This person wants to help support my weight loss, and whenever she cooks for me, she makes sure to ask whether I can eat what she's planning on serving, and then tells me what she used to prepare it. It is so sweet. It is so sweet that I feel like a complete jerk for dreading the exchange every time.
The problem is that this person, who has never for a moment had to worry about her weight (she eats like a bird), has no idea what is good or bad from a weight-loss perspective. So after I've been asked if I can eat steak, we have BBQ steak (yay!) with garden-fresh bell peppers (yay!) pan-fried in sesame oil (d'oh). We have green salad (yay!) pre-dressed with an oily dressing (d'oh). We have boiled (yay!) potatoes (d'oh).
I'm certain this person is changing the menu for all 9 people around the table based on what she feels will be most helpful to me... but isn't getting it right. I don't have the heart to tell her, because it is so sweet of her to be doing it at all, and because I know she'll be embarrassed and/or hurt no matter how well I try to phrase it.
D'oh.
Loss this week: 4.8
Lost so far: 89.8
Still remaining: 10.2
Activity points earned this week: 41
Weeks to go: 12
With this loss, I'm once again confident that I'll make the Thanksgiving deadline for my 100 pounds - but I'm also confident that a nonsense gain isn't too far in my future, as they seem to follow super-awesome loss weeks. It'll suck, but I'll have to just come back and read this post to remind myself of what will follow.
"Can you eat this?"
There is a person in my life whom I love, and who loves me. This person wants to help support my weight loss, and whenever she cooks for me, she makes sure to ask whether I can eat what she's planning on serving, and then tells me what she used to prepare it. It is so sweet. It is so sweet that I feel like a complete jerk for dreading the exchange every time.
The problem is that this person, who has never for a moment had to worry about her weight (she eats like a bird), has no idea what is good or bad from a weight-loss perspective. So after I've been asked if I can eat steak, we have BBQ steak (yay!) with garden-fresh bell peppers (yay!) pan-fried in sesame oil (d'oh). We have green salad (yay!) pre-dressed with an oily dressing (d'oh). We have boiled (yay!) potatoes (d'oh).
I'm certain this person is changing the menu for all 9 people around the table based on what she feels will be most helpful to me... but isn't getting it right. I don't have the heart to tell her, because it is so sweet of her to be doing it at all, and because I know she'll be embarrassed and/or hurt no matter how well I try to phrase it.
D'oh.
Loss this week: 4.8
Lost so far: 89.8
Still remaining: 10.2
Activity points earned this week: 41
Weeks to go: 12
Monday, July 11, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 39
Trust the program.
Trust the program.
Trust the program.
This was my mantra for the latter part of this week, as I found on returning home from my fabulous runs and austerity eating at the farm that my weight still hadn't budged an ounce. I was pissed off, quite frankly - and actually forced myself to go back a few weeks to the post after my last plateau, in which I talked about how you need to trust the program and the loss will follow.
Past me lectured current (at the time) me, which enabled future me (at the time, now known as today me) to actually achieve a loss, rather than the gain that would inevitably have followed eating my frustration in french fries.
Thanks, past me! :)
I took Child to Kelsey's tonight for dinner (making good on a promise, following a bout of unusually good behaviour!), and was faced once again with a challenging menu. Luckily, Kelsey's posts its nutritional information online; unluckily, there's not much there for folks who are watching what they're doing from a weight-management perspective.
In the past, I've had the fajitas - which are quite yummy, but when consumed with the tortillas (as if they wouldn't be?) they amount to 22 PointsPlus... a bit rich for my blood. While the salads look pretty good, they are also fat-laden - they all seem to sport bacon or guacamole or a creamy dressing.
So tonight, I tried the vegetarian pizza. The good news is that it really is delicious - tomatoes, spinach, onions on a nice crust with generous cheese (next time I'll ask them to go light on the cheese - I think it could have half as much and still be good); the bad news is it's 25 PointsPlus. But it's also quite big (I'm going to say a foot in diameter?), so I ate half for supper and will have the other half for lunch tomorrow. Ran today and will again tomorrow, so I'll have an extra Activity Points cushion.
I'm not normally a "box it up and take the rest home" person - it's unusual for me not to finish a meal in a restaurant, no matter how big the portion. But this is so big that I was able to do that and still feel satisfied. Thanks, Kelsey's!
I'm surprised at the number of major restaurant chains that don't post their nutritional info (I'm looking at you, Moxie's!). While doing so does expose the unhealthy truth, it also allows we counters to count. If I can't count it I won't eat it... so a formerly fairly regular customer at Moxie's hasn't been there in 9 months. I'm sure they don't miss me... but imagine how many of us there are out there, eating at Kelsey's because they publish the info!
There's my rant. Pray for another loss next week - this plateau for 3, lose for 1 pattern is getting to me!
Loss this week: 2.0
Lost so far: 85
Still remaining: 15
Activity points earned this week: 41
Weeks to go: 13
Trust the program.
Trust the program.
This was my mantra for the latter part of this week, as I found on returning home from my fabulous runs and austerity eating at the farm that my weight still hadn't budged an ounce. I was pissed off, quite frankly - and actually forced myself to go back a few weeks to the post after my last plateau, in which I talked about how you need to trust the program and the loss will follow.
Past me lectured current (at the time) me, which enabled future me (at the time, now known as today me) to actually achieve a loss, rather than the gain that would inevitably have followed eating my frustration in french fries.
Thanks, past me! :)
I took Child to Kelsey's tonight for dinner (making good on a promise, following a bout of unusually good behaviour!), and was faced once again with a challenging menu. Luckily, Kelsey's posts its nutritional information online; unluckily, there's not much there for folks who are watching what they're doing from a weight-management perspective.
In the past, I've had the fajitas - which are quite yummy, but when consumed with the tortillas (as if they wouldn't be?) they amount to 22 PointsPlus... a bit rich for my blood. While the salads look pretty good, they are also fat-laden - they all seem to sport bacon or guacamole or a creamy dressing.
So tonight, I tried the vegetarian pizza. The good news is that it really is delicious - tomatoes, spinach, onions on a nice crust with generous cheese (next time I'll ask them to go light on the cheese - I think it could have half as much and still be good); the bad news is it's 25 PointsPlus. But it's also quite big (I'm going to say a foot in diameter?), so I ate half for supper and will have the other half for lunch tomorrow. Ran today and will again tomorrow, so I'll have an extra Activity Points cushion.
I'm not normally a "box it up and take the rest home" person - it's unusual for me not to finish a meal in a restaurant, no matter how big the portion. But this is so big that I was able to do that and still feel satisfied. Thanks, Kelsey's!
I'm surprised at the number of major restaurant chains that don't post their nutritional info (I'm looking at you, Moxie's!). While doing so does expose the unhealthy truth, it also allows we counters to count. If I can't count it I won't eat it... so a formerly fairly regular customer at Moxie's hasn't been there in 9 months. I'm sure they don't miss me... but imagine how many of us there are out there, eating at Kelsey's because they publish the info!
There's my rant. Pray for another loss next week - this plateau for 3, lose for 1 pattern is getting to me!
Loss this week: 2.0
Lost so far: 85
Still remaining: 15
Activity points earned this week: 41
Weeks to go: 13
Friday, July 8, 2011
Annie: running
 |
| Nothing but potential |
We're home from our little mini-vacation in the Prairie at our family farm. I've been spending a few weekends and the occasional week here every summer for more than a decade, but until now it was all about the farmhouse and its lack of telephone and Internet (though of course the trusty mobile devices have always come with me - can't go completely cold turkey!), and, since Child was a baby, the fabulous community pool that serves the entire area.
Now, suddenly, I'm interested in the roads.
In the Canadian Prairies, farm land is divided into sections of a mile square, with "section roads" marking each mile. The size of a farm operation is described in terms of the number of sections it occupies, and the farmer has access to all parts of his/her farm because of the section roads.
For a runner, the section roads provide an almost-perfect track. They're pre-measured, so I know that completing a lap around the section facing our farmyard is just under 6.5K (that is, exactly 4 miles) -- and, at this particular moment in my training, provides a nice 5-minute warmup walk, a 5K run, and a 15ish-minute cooldown walk.
It's beautiful, as you can see from the photo above - it's hard not to feel as though you're breathing cleaner air running there, as compared to running in the city at home (though if you have allergies, as I do, "cleaner" may not necessarily mean "better," ha!). Running on the section roads (near our farm, anyway) makes you feel like you have unlimited runway, fresh air for your lungs, and blazing sunshine. You feel like you have nothing but potential!
OK, I have to admit there are a couple of minor drawbacks.
1) It takes a bit of getting used to running on loose gravel when you're accustomed to nicely paved city streets. You may be able to see from the photo that there are established tracks where cars, trucks, and farm equipment tend to drive - if you run in those tracks you have less loose gravel to deal with, but you're actually running down the middle of the road. Not bad if you run without music, but I have to run with music, or the sound of my own panting discourages me. :) My solution this time: run with Husband, who ran without music in the neighbouring track on the road, and warned me whenever a vehicle was coming up behind us.
2) When a truck flies by on a gravel road in an area of low humidity, you get sprayed with gravel, and then live in a little cloud of dust for a few minutes afterward. I wondered whether I should have been running in a surgical mask!
Really, though, that was it for drawbacks. It was lovely, frankly.
I had done my "long slow distance" run on Sunday before we left, so normally wouldn't have run until Tuesday -- but Monday was gorgeous (see photo!) and I thought it would be a waste of a beautiful, not-too-hot, sunny day not to run. So I convinced Husband to come out with me (grandparents were with us to watch Child) that morning.
It was harder work than I was used to (apparently, the degree of difficulty for running surfaces goes treadmill -> road -> gravel, and I can only imagine sandy beach comes after that!), but I really, really enjoyed it. We even had the opportunity for a laugh, when we unwittingly caused a stampede of cows in a pasture alongside the section road. (If you're unfamiliar with the nature of cows, they're curious enough to want to know who you are, but not always smart enough to know to stop running once they hit the fence.)
 |
| Sorry ladies! (photo taken later, after everyone had calmed down) |
We drove home Wednesday, and I was all set to do the "cross-train" day The Faithful Mo had put in my training schedule for this week... but Thursday was, incredibly, another beautiful day. I checked with her to make sure it would be OK to run again rather than cross-training (I'm scheduled for 4 runs next week, so I switched one of them for this week's cross-train), and then headed out again, back around my neighbourhood.
As I ran, I plotted out this weekend's "long slow distance" run, which will be 6.5K and will require me to widen my little neighbourhood track - I'm running out of new territory. :)
And I realized: I am actually enjoying this! That may sound silly at this point, but until now I have been enjoying the "having run," without particularly enjoying the "running." Now, I see a beautiful day outside and I want to run. It feels like a waste not to.
Today is gorgeous again (seriously, how long can this luck hold out?!), but I can't run again. I'm planning my long slow distance for tomorrow (hopefully the weather holds out at least that long for me), and I don't want to get injured and put myself out altogether. So I'm headed over to meet a friend (Jillian - see her blog at right!) for lunch and a walk in the sunshine.
What would I have been doing with a day like today a year ago?
Probably staying inside, hiding from the heat. Probably sitting on the couch or in my desk chair. Probably dreading every invitation to join people who would be dressed for summer, every opportunity to do anything outside in the heat, because I'd have refused to go out in shorts, and would have been miserable in long pants.
Today, I feel 10 years younger than I did this time last year. It's an amazing thing.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 36
My "pounds to go" number is so close to my "weeks to go" number! Thought I'd crossed the line this week at first, but my math was off, haha.
As suspected, this week the loss I've been earning over the last couple of weeks turned up on the scale. The big lesson here is for someone just starting out on a weight-loss project: they tell you not to focus too much on the scale, and they're right (though, let's admit it, it's just about impossible not to, to a degree).
Over the course of this project I've had big losses in weeks I wouldn't have expected them, and plateaus (yes, Mo, I checked! My dictionary accepts both eaus and eaux!) where I didn't think I deserved them. As The Faithful Mo said in a comment way, way back when this blog began: think of your weight loss as a marathon, not a sprint. Focus on what you have to do to reach the finish line, and trust your program... the loss will take care of itself. I'm living proof!
Here's the graph of my loss since the beginning of The Thanksgiving Project, as generated by the Weight Watchers eTools.
You can see the little blips and flatter parts, but the downward slope tells the story. The plateaus aren't even that long... they just seem that way when you're in one.
So this week's lesson? Keep your eye on the prize!
Loss this week: 3.5
Lost so far: 83
Still remaining: 17
Activity points earned this week: 30
Weeks to go: 16
As suspected, this week the loss I've been earning over the last couple of weeks turned up on the scale. The big lesson here is for someone just starting out on a weight-loss project: they tell you not to focus too much on the scale, and they're right (though, let's admit it, it's just about impossible not to, to a degree).
Over the course of this project I've had big losses in weeks I wouldn't have expected them, and plateaus (yes, Mo, I checked! My dictionary accepts both eaus and eaux!) where I didn't think I deserved them. As The Faithful Mo said in a comment way, way back when this blog began: think of your weight loss as a marathon, not a sprint. Focus on what you have to do to reach the finish line, and trust your program... the loss will take care of itself. I'm living proof!
Here's the graph of my loss since the beginning of The Thanksgiving Project, as generated by the Weight Watchers eTools.
You can see the little blips and flatter parts, but the downward slope tells the story. The plateaus aren't even that long... they just seem that way when you're in one.
So this week's lesson? Keep your eye on the prize!
Loss this week: 3.5
Lost so far: 83
Still remaining: 17
Activity points earned this week: 30
Weeks to go: 16
Monday, April 11, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 26
Wow - it's been half a year.
I had a lovely afternoon yesterday with an old friend who is planning a WW adventure of her own in the next little while - we talked about food, and the program, and running, on top of all the usual topics. (The "usual topics" are what our kids were up to, on their play date happening at all points in my house!)
Over tea, we chatted about our challenges. She seems inspired by the success I've been having, and I am inspired that she's motivated to get healthier, even though she's currently just over my GOAL weight! Smart people get in control before things get so bad that they have 100 lbs to lose - I get that now, and admire her for it. :o)
I know more about the WW program, but she knows more about running, so we'll be in good position to support each other as she gets underway!
It's funny to think about how I'm only halfway through the year, but a fair bit beyond the half-way mark on the weight loss goal I had set for The Thanksgiving Project. It's a good thing it's worked out this way, because I know the early pounds go much more quickly than the later ones... it's good to know I have a bit of progress in-hand for when the next plateau comes.
What else is funny, is that I feel like I'm almost there. I mean, I know I'm not: I still have 35 pounds to go, and that's a lot. And even then, my goal weight is a goal weight set by my doctor given my body shape, and well above the recommended "healthy" BMI for my height. So really, I'm not "almost there" by any objective measure.
But I have to say, I am feeling so good right now. I feel fit, I feel pretty, and I feel like I'm in control.
It feels good!
I hope I have a while to enjoy this before the next plateau. :o)
Loss this week: 2.9
Lost so far: 65.1
Still remaining: 34.9
Activity points earned this week: 18
Weeks to go: 26
I had a lovely afternoon yesterday with an old friend who is planning a WW adventure of her own in the next little while - we talked about food, and the program, and running, on top of all the usual topics. (The "usual topics" are what our kids were up to, on their play date happening at all points in my house!)
Over tea, we chatted about our challenges. She seems inspired by the success I've been having, and I am inspired that she's motivated to get healthier, even though she's currently just over my GOAL weight! Smart people get in control before things get so bad that they have 100 lbs to lose - I get that now, and admire her for it. :o)
I know more about the WW program, but she knows more about running, so we'll be in good position to support each other as she gets underway!
It's funny to think about how I'm only halfway through the year, but a fair bit beyond the half-way mark on the weight loss goal I had set for The Thanksgiving Project. It's a good thing it's worked out this way, because I know the early pounds go much more quickly than the later ones... it's good to know I have a bit of progress in-hand for when the next plateau comes.
What else is funny, is that I feel like I'm almost there. I mean, I know I'm not: I still have 35 pounds to go, and that's a lot. And even then, my goal weight is a goal weight set by my doctor given my body shape, and well above the recommended "healthy" BMI for my height. So really, I'm not "almost there" by any objective measure.
But I have to say, I am feeling so good right now. I feel fit, I feel pretty, and I feel like I'm in control.
It feels good!
I hope I have a while to enjoy this before the next plateau. :o)
Loss this week: 2.9
Lost so far: 65.1
Still remaining: 34.9
Activity points earned this week: 18
Weeks to go: 26
Monday, April 4, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 25
Well, this is quite a roller-coaster ride I am on - hopefully things will settle back down for me, now that I seem (fingers crossed!) to be healthy again.
And while this week, and last week, and the week before that all seem ridiculous weight-loss wise, consider this: I am down 7 pounds from 4 weeks ago, which is just about what I would expect in normal times. So one way or another, things seem to work out as they should, once the rest of the noise is taken out of the equation.
I have a couple of things I want to explore here - but no time tonight. I hope to get back to them later in the week. In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed for me: tomorrow is my first attempt at walk 4, run 4. Eek!
Loss this week: 8.7
Lost so far: 62.2
Still remaining: 37.8
Activity points earned this week: 20
Weeks to go: 27
And while this week, and last week, and the week before that all seem ridiculous weight-loss wise, consider this: I am down 7 pounds from 4 weeks ago, which is just about what I would expect in normal times. So one way or another, things seem to work out as they should, once the rest of the noise is taken out of the equation.
I have a couple of things I want to explore here - but no time tonight. I hope to get back to them later in the week. In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed for me: tomorrow is my first attempt at walk 4, run 4. Eek!
Loss this week: 8.7
Lost so far: 62.2
Still remaining: 37.8
Activity points earned this week: 20
Weeks to go: 27
Monday, March 28, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 24
Talk about a setback.
In the last half of last week, I really did run off the rails - I was very tired of being sick and feeling like hell all the time, wasn't sleeping because I was coughing all the time, and I consoled myself with food.
But I didn't go insane and eat junk constantly for 4 days, which I think I likely would have had to do to gain 10 real pounds in a week.
So I'm taking this pragmatically, and attributing it to a combination of weight-loss illusions over the last two weeks while I was sick with the flu, and water weight which is now a factor, and just re-focusing. I'm mentally back where I need to be, and physically it'll follow.
I did get back on the treadmill yesterday and made it through my second session in two weeks - but was able to sleep through the night last night without any coughing fits, so am pretty sure I'll be able to resume my normal schedule now. Coach Mo says I should repeat my last week of my conditioning plan because my body will be a bit shocked to get back into the routine, so that's what I'm doing.
Weight loss: 3 weeks' ground lost.
Running program: 2 weeks lost.
I hope that's my last flu for a while.
GAIN this week: 9.9
Lost so far: 51.5
Still remaining: 48.5
Activity points earned this week: 5
Weeks to go: 28
In the last half of last week, I really did run off the rails - I was very tired of being sick and feeling like hell all the time, wasn't sleeping because I was coughing all the time, and I consoled myself with food.
But I didn't go insane and eat junk constantly for 4 days, which I think I likely would have had to do to gain 10 real pounds in a week.
So I'm taking this pragmatically, and attributing it to a combination of weight-loss illusions over the last two weeks while I was sick with the flu, and water weight which is now a factor, and just re-focusing. I'm mentally back where I need to be, and physically it'll follow.
I did get back on the treadmill yesterday and made it through my second session in two weeks - but was able to sleep through the night last night without any coughing fits, so am pretty sure I'll be able to resume my normal schedule now. Coach Mo says I should repeat my last week of my conditioning plan because my body will be a bit shocked to get back into the routine, so that's what I'm doing.
Weight loss: 3 weeks' ground lost.
Running program: 2 weeks lost.
I hope that's my last flu for a while.
GAIN this week: 9.9
Lost so far: 51.5
Still remaining: 48.5
Activity points earned this week: 5
Weeks to go: 28
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 22
This week, I learned something about myself: I will always have an eating disorder.
I don't want to disrespect alcoholics by suggesting my challenge is equivalent to theirs, because I know that it isn't, at all.
But there are some similarities -- and one seems to be that once you have an addiction problem, you will always have an addiction problem.
Saturday was kind of wild at my house - as many Saturdays are. We were busy, busy, busy - errands, people to see, grocery shopping to do, treadmill to enjoy (ha! that's actually true!) - and by suppertime, I had only managed to eat 4 PP (partly because fruits are now free, and I'd only had fruit for breakfast before treadmilling).
So I started thinking about how I've been jonesing for pizza for some time now -- not having had pizzeria pizza since this Thanksgiving Project began. I figured there's no better time than when you have almost your whole day's points allotment intact -- not to mention 35 weekly points still in the bank and 15 activity points earned -- to splurge a bit.
Boston Pizza got the call -- I mean, if it's going to be once in 5 months, you want to make it worth the points, right? Right.
I had more than enough PP to have a whole small pepperoni pizza to myself. I gave Child a piece - so that was even better. The pizza was everything I'd remembered and imagined, and I loved it. Well worth the PP.
The problem was, it didn't stop there.
It was like I was in a trance. I went from the pizza to the chocolate chip cookies Child and I had made that afternoon (I've been baking throughout this project, and have never once been tempted enough to taste any of it), to a small popcorn WITH BUTTER at the movies that night. (I had a diet Coke with the popcorn, but by that point, it was pretty much academic.)
As I rounded the clubhouse turn on the popcorn, I started to feel really awful. And I'm not talking about guilt: I'm talking about my gut. It was like there was a big stone in it, and I didn't even want to think how much fun it'd be digesting that thing.
While I expected to be awake all night with stomach acid, I actually slept pretty well. But then, when I awoke, it was like I'd been time-warped back to pre-Thanksgiving.
My face was very oily.
I was having hot flashes.
I felt fat and ugly.
It was only one night, but it had me feeling like I hadn't gained any ground at all. Sunday was a day for austerity measures - I left 15 PP on the table, for penance as much as in the hopes of evening things out.
I've been reading Jeff Garlin's My footprint: carrying the weight of the world, about his battle with food addiction, and in the chapter I read later that day, he reflected on a meditation from the Pritikin Longevity Center about how food addicts can't ever let their guard down; that the next binge is only a moment away.
I've written here before about how I once lost 75 pounds to get to my goal weight - only to almost immediately gain it back. Since then, I've realized that I hadn't really changed my lifestyle that time around -- I'd let it be a diet, and that's why it didn't last.
Had you asked me last week, I'd have said this time was different. It's been five months, I've slain those demons, and I'm not at risk of succumbing to binges anymore.
But clearly, I'd have been wrong. Again.
Even once I get to my goal (and I will!), I will always have to be vigilant.
Loss this week: 0.9
Lost so far: 55.2
Still remaining: 44.8
Activity points earned this week: 15
Weeks to go: 30
I don't want to disrespect alcoholics by suggesting my challenge is equivalent to theirs, because I know that it isn't, at all.
But there are some similarities -- and one seems to be that once you have an addiction problem, you will always have an addiction problem.
Saturday was kind of wild at my house - as many Saturdays are. We were busy, busy, busy - errands, people to see, grocery shopping to do, treadmill to enjoy (ha! that's actually true!) - and by suppertime, I had only managed to eat 4 PP (partly because fruits are now free, and I'd only had fruit for breakfast before treadmilling).
So I started thinking about how I've been jonesing for pizza for some time now -- not having had pizzeria pizza since this Thanksgiving Project began. I figured there's no better time than when you have almost your whole day's points allotment intact -- not to mention 35 weekly points still in the bank and 15 activity points earned -- to splurge a bit.
Boston Pizza got the call -- I mean, if it's going to be once in 5 months, you want to make it worth the points, right? Right.
I had more than enough PP to have a whole small pepperoni pizza to myself. I gave Child a piece - so that was even better. The pizza was everything I'd remembered and imagined, and I loved it. Well worth the PP.
The problem was, it didn't stop there.
It was like I was in a trance. I went from the pizza to the chocolate chip cookies Child and I had made that afternoon (I've been baking throughout this project, and have never once been tempted enough to taste any of it), to a small popcorn WITH BUTTER at the movies that night. (I had a diet Coke with the popcorn, but by that point, it was pretty much academic.)
As I rounded the clubhouse turn on the popcorn, I started to feel really awful. And I'm not talking about guilt: I'm talking about my gut. It was like there was a big stone in it, and I didn't even want to think how much fun it'd be digesting that thing.
While I expected to be awake all night with stomach acid, I actually slept pretty well. But then, when I awoke, it was like I'd been time-warped back to pre-Thanksgiving.
My face was very oily.
I was having hot flashes.
I felt fat and ugly.
It was only one night, but it had me feeling like I hadn't gained any ground at all. Sunday was a day for austerity measures - I left 15 PP on the table, for penance as much as in the hopes of evening things out.
I've been reading Jeff Garlin's My footprint: carrying the weight of the world, about his battle with food addiction, and in the chapter I read later that day, he reflected on a meditation from the Pritikin Longevity Center about how food addicts can't ever let their guard down; that the next binge is only a moment away.
I've written here before about how I once lost 75 pounds to get to my goal weight - only to almost immediately gain it back. Since then, I've realized that I hadn't really changed my lifestyle that time around -- I'd let it be a diet, and that's why it didn't last.
Had you asked me last week, I'd have said this time was different. It's been five months, I've slain those demons, and I'm not at risk of succumbing to binges anymore.
But clearly, I'd have been wrong. Again.
Even once I get to my goal (and I will!), I will always have to be vigilant.
Loss this week: 0.9
Lost so far: 55.2
Still remaining: 44.8
Activity points earned this week: 15
Weeks to go: 30
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Annie:The view from Pikermi
Not long after Mae and I launched the Thanksgiving Project, The Faithful Mo ran her first marathon - THE marathon, from Marathon, Greece to Athens.
I was (and am still!) amazed by that tremendous accomplishment, and remember being inspired that, even though the road to a hundred-pound weight loss seemed impossible from where I sat at the time, Mo might have felt daunted by the road in front of her, too, in the beginning.
I began thinking about my weight loss as a marathon of my own - though obviously it's not really the same thing! But as challenges of commitment and focus go, this was about as a big an "ask" as I could think of making myself.
So this week, as I (finally!) hit my halfway mark, I wanted to see my progress on my marathon.
Mo - do you remember Pikermi at all? What's it like? How tired were you? Did the halfway mark charge you, or did you have any doubts at that point?
As for me, I'm pretty sure I'm going to make it to my finish line - though after the last 3 weeks of plateau, I'm not necessarily confident it'll happen by Thanksgiving. If it did, it would complete the narrative nicely - but this story is about so much more than that.
If it doesn't, I'll just keep running until it does. :o)
I was (and am still!) amazed by that tremendous accomplishment, and remember being inspired that, even though the road to a hundred-pound weight loss seemed impossible from where I sat at the time, Mo might have felt daunted by the road in front of her, too, in the beginning.
I began thinking about my weight loss as a marathon of my own - though obviously it's not really the same thing! But as challenges of commitment and focus go, this was about as a big an "ask" as I could think of making myself.
So this week, as I (finally!) hit my halfway mark, I wanted to see my progress on my marathon.
Mo - do you remember Pikermi at all? What's it like? How tired were you? Did the halfway mark charge you, or did you have any doubts at that point?
As for me, I'm pretty sure I'm going to make it to my finish line - though after the last 3 weeks of plateau, I'm not necessarily confident it'll happen by Thanksgiving. If it did, it would complete the narrative nicely - but this story is about so much more than that.
If it doesn't, I'll just keep running until it does. :o)
Monday, February 28, 2011
Annie: Weigh-in week 20
Well, I hope that's the last of the plateau for the next little while - that was mentally exhausting.
There are a few reasons I might have finally broken through this week:
Oh, and it sure feels good to see the "still remaining" number smaller than the "lost so far" number, regardless of how big the "still remaining" number is!
Loss this week: 4
Lost so far: 52.6
Still remaining: 47.4
Activity points earned this week: 20
Weeks to go: 32
There are a few reasons I might have finally broken through this week:
- I cut out all eating after 8pm, and focused on getting my PP in earlier in the day. As a likely consequence, I felt even hungrier than usual, which may have led to...
- I ate almost half my "weekly points allowance" over and above my daily allotment; this may have jump-started the metabolism after weeks of barely eating any of them?
- I was in America for 2 days, during which time I ate in restaurants; while I didn't eat as much volume as I normally do (because of the PP), I figure what I was eating was likely higher in fat than I normally eat - which could have had the same effect as #2, above.
- I may have finally outlasted the impact of the abandoned diuretic; maybe my water stores are back in balance. Or,
- Maybe I had just done my time, and the plateau would have ended without any of the above.
Oh, and it sure feels good to see the "still remaining" number smaller than the "lost so far" number, regardless of how big the "still remaining" number is!
Loss this week: 4
Lost so far: 52.6
Still remaining: 47.4
Activity points earned this week: 20
Weeks to go: 32
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Annie: Pictures
If this morning's sneak peek at the scale is any indication, I will have a big milestone to report on Monday. :o)
And, given that Husband is actually home this weekend, and the sun is shining, and it's not 50 below, I figured this was as good a time as any to do the long-promised photo comparison of then vs. now.
I have to begin with a disclaimer: I know the looseness of my clothes, especially my tops, is very unhelpful when it comes to before and after weight-loss pictures. But I don't wear spandex unless I'm alone, or it's just Husband and Child or perhaps the Faithful Mo around... so this is just what it's going to have to be! :o)
With that said, I can still see a difference - I hope you can too.
And, given that Husband is actually home this weekend, and the sun is shining, and it's not 50 below, I figured this was as good a time as any to do the long-promised photo comparison of then vs. now.
I have to begin with a disclaimer: I know the looseness of my clothes, especially my tops, is very unhelpful when it comes to before and after weight-loss pictures. But I don't wear spandex unless I'm alone, or it's just Husband and Child or perhaps the Faithful Mo around... so this is just what it's going to have to be! :o)
With that said, I can still see a difference - I hope you can too.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Annie: Hidden trap of new Program
I've discovered a "trap" in the new Weight Watchers PointsPlus program that's really just common sense when you think about it, but which could really slow your loss if you don't. Which I hadn't, before this week.
On the new PointsPlus program, all fruit and most vegetables are PointsPlus free - so you can eat them (in reasonable portions) without any impact on your daily PointsPlus allotment.
The idea behind this apparently arose when Weight Watchers members (like me, I have to admit) tended to choose a two-point bag of cookies over a two-point banana in keeping to their points allotments. If you only had so many points to use, and fruit cost points, you were less likely to choose fruit than other things you felt you were missing out on.
The result was that Weight Watchers members did lose weight, but they weren't developing the healthy eating habits the program was striving for. So they changed the entire way food values are calculated, and made fruits and most veggies (exceptions: starchy things like potatoes, peas, corn, some beans, etc.) "free."
The warning
When they rolled this out, we were warned that we should still be mindful of serving sizes when it came to fruits and veggies - don't think you can eat a bushel of apples a day and lose weight as quickly as you would only eating one or two (they still do have calories, after all). Choose a piece of fruit for a snack, increase the proportion of vegetables in your meals, and you'll have more success -- but don't "abuse" the new rules about fruits and veggies.
The trap
A friend of mine gave me a recipe a while back for a spaghetti squash stuffed with ground beef, rice, carrots/celery and some low-fat mushroom soup -- it's baked, with reduced-fat cheese on top. By her calculation, it should have been around 10 PointsPlus (for the meat, rice, soup and cheese - the squash should be zero).
Mae's Mister christened the dish "Meat Boat," as your serving is half the squash with all that stuff baked in the middle.
Because I am a stickler (spelled O-C-D) about the points, I ran it through the Weight Watchers "Recipe Builder" on the eTools section of the members-only site, and was shocked by the result: 15 PointsPlus!
I thought, there must be some mistake - if you look at the PointsPlus values of the ingredients listed, they don't add up to that much.
So I ran another recipe through: a yummy soup from the Podleski sisters' Eat, Shrink & Be Merry cookbook (thanks Mo!) called "Gourdian Angel." On the face of it, it should be about 1 PP per bowl (it's all fruit and veggies, except for fat-free chicken broth, a bit of oil, and some evaporated low-fat milk). But when I ran it: 3 PP ber bowl.
Again, the total number of PP per recipe was significantly higher than the counted PP in the list.
It's disappointing, but it makes sense
It only makes sense that a meal largely composed of vegetables and fruit would have to be counted like other food, even if they tell us fruits and veggies are points-free.
If you filled up on fruits and veggies at every meal, and then used all your alloted PointsPlus on top of that, and ate all 49 of your Weekly PointsPlus Allowance, it makes sense that your loss would be slower than it might otherwise... or that you might even gain. But in your mind, you'd have been following the program.
I don't know why this surprised me, but I'm glad I figured it out before I wasted too many weeks' progress over a misunderstanding of how this program works.
I'm going to bring it up at the meeting on Wednesday, because many if not most of the meetings members don't use the eTools, so they may have no way of knowing the difference.
On the new PointsPlus program, all fruit and most vegetables are PointsPlus free - so you can eat them (in reasonable portions) without any impact on your daily PointsPlus allotment.
The idea behind this apparently arose when Weight Watchers members (like me, I have to admit) tended to choose a two-point bag of cookies over a two-point banana in keeping to their points allotments. If you only had so many points to use, and fruit cost points, you were less likely to choose fruit than other things you felt you were missing out on.
The result was that Weight Watchers members did lose weight, but they weren't developing the healthy eating habits the program was striving for. So they changed the entire way food values are calculated, and made fruits and most veggies (exceptions: starchy things like potatoes, peas, corn, some beans, etc.) "free."
The warning
When they rolled this out, we were warned that we should still be mindful of serving sizes when it came to fruits and veggies - don't think you can eat a bushel of apples a day and lose weight as quickly as you would only eating one or two (they still do have calories, after all). Choose a piece of fruit for a snack, increase the proportion of vegetables in your meals, and you'll have more success -- but don't "abuse" the new rules about fruits and veggies.
The trap
A friend of mine gave me a recipe a while back for a spaghetti squash stuffed with ground beef, rice, carrots/celery and some low-fat mushroom soup -- it's baked, with reduced-fat cheese on top. By her calculation, it should have been around 10 PointsPlus (for the meat, rice, soup and cheese - the squash should be zero).
Mae's Mister christened the dish "Meat Boat," as your serving is half the squash with all that stuff baked in the middle.
Because I am a stickler (spelled O-C-D) about the points, I ran it through the Weight Watchers "Recipe Builder" on the eTools section of the members-only site, and was shocked by the result: 15 PointsPlus!
 |
| PP value in the list: 45. At bottom: 59. |
I thought, there must be some mistake - if you look at the PointsPlus values of the ingredients listed, they don't add up to that much.
So I ran another recipe through: a yummy soup from the Podleski sisters' Eat, Shrink & Be Merry cookbook (thanks Mo!) called "Gourdian Angel." On the face of it, it should be about 1 PP per bowl (it's all fruit and veggies, except for fat-free chicken broth, a bit of oil, and some evaporated low-fat milk). But when I ran it: 3 PP ber bowl.
 |
| PP value in the list: 7. At bottom: 21. |
It's disappointing, but it makes sense
It only makes sense that a meal largely composed of vegetables and fruit would have to be counted like other food, even if they tell us fruits and veggies are points-free.
If you filled up on fruits and veggies at every meal, and then used all your alloted PointsPlus on top of that, and ate all 49 of your Weekly PointsPlus Allowance, it makes sense that your loss would be slower than it might otherwise... or that you might even gain. But in your mind, you'd have been following the program.
I don't know why this surprised me, but I'm glad I figured it out before I wasted too many weeks' progress over a misunderstanding of how this program works.
I'm going to bring it up at the meeting on Wednesday, because many if not most of the meetings members don't use the eTools, so they may have no way of knowing the difference.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Annie: Weigh-in week 16
It was a good week - motivation very likely spurred by last week's nonsense gain.
I have news to report on the sports injury front which I'll get into later this week (how sad is it that I'm a tiny bit proud of having a minor sports injury? ha!), but my great news of the week is that my doctor was able to cut my blood pressure meds almost in half - and despite that, my blood pressure was still 118/81 yesterday!
I go back in a couple of weeks for her to check on it, and given yesterday's reading I suspect she'll make another cut, leaving me at one pill per day as opposed to the three I was taking when this project began.
I am SO happy!
For now, here are the stats.
Loss this week: 4.2
Lost so far: 45.5
Still remaining: 54.5
Activity points earned this week: 15
Weeks to go: 36
I have news to report on the sports injury front which I'll get into later this week (how sad is it that I'm a tiny bit proud of having a minor sports injury? ha!), but my great news of the week is that my doctor was able to cut my blood pressure meds almost in half - and despite that, my blood pressure was still 118/81 yesterday!
I go back in a couple of weeks for her to check on it, and given yesterday's reading I suspect she'll make another cut, leaving me at one pill per day as opposed to the three I was taking when this project began.
I am SO happy!
For now, here are the stats.
Loss this week: 4.2
Lost so far: 45.5
Still remaining: 54.5
Activity points earned this week: 15
Weeks to go: 36
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Annie: Heavy
Now, Mae has already heard me go on about how awful I think shows like A&E's Hoarders and Intervention are -- I've always felt they capitalized on others' suffering, and fed their audiences' appetite for tsk-tsking at others' weaknesses and failings. For the same reason, I've never been able to watch NBC's The Biggest Loser.
But my interest was raised when I heard A&E was doing a reality show following obese people in their efforts to get healthy. So I gave this one a chance: not because I wanted to judge the participants, but because I suspected they might be a lot like me.
This week's episode followed 600+ pound Tom and 370+ pound Jodi.
Tom (I didn't catch his age, but he didn't look much older than 30) is a self-described food addict. While he was obviously further into obesity than I was when he found the motivation to do something about it, he seemed to have entered the program fully accepting his own responsibility for his poor health.
Jodi, who I think they said was 36, was a drama queen. I came to quite despise her, actually, because she seemed unwilling to do what needed to be done without making a great big hairy deal about it. She seemed to always be in tears, making great declarations about how she couldn't possibly go further, the workouts were killing her, she was doing this for her kids, she never does anything for herself, her mother is "a cancer" in her life, her husband isn't a good listener, her friends make her go to restaurants where there aren't any healthy choices, etc. etc.
News: not all fat people are damaged.
I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life (well, really, since adolescence), but I still haven't figured out exactly why. My parents taught me to eat properly and be active, and I was a skinny kid. I had a happy childhood and continue to have a loving and supportive family. My marriage and my home life are happy, and filled with love.
My weight is my fault, the result of conscious decisions I make, and behaviours I consciously undertake. Jodi's weight is Jodi's fault, too, whether she wants to admit it or not.
I'm still trying to figure out how I became a chronic overeater.
I remember being a size 12 in high school and thinking I was fat -- so fat, in fact, that I was embarrassed to be in pictures, didn't want to wear shorts, wore big puffy sweaters and turtlenecks most of the time. I wasn't fat, but I thought I was; and then of course I made my own negative thoughts come true.
I first had to wear plus-sized clothes sometime around the end of my undergrad degree (during which I had been both large and small, having likely gained, lost and gained the same 40 pounds a few times). For about 10 years after graduation my weight steadily climbed, and then in 2002 I did my first (and only successful, until now) trip to Weight Watchers.
As I reached my goal weight, I remember the faithful Mo telling me she knew I'd never be overweight again -- but I knew she was wrong. And because I had decided that, I think, I was doomed to gain it back (and then some). In fact, I was so sure my success was temporary that I insisted she take me to a meeting in her hometown, where I was visiting when I hit my 6 weeks of goal weight maintenance -- I wanted Weight Watchers to get my accomplishment of "lifetime" status on the records right away, because I wasn't confident I could hold it until I got home from my visit.
The problem was that I continued to binge. I wasn't bullimic -- I had a phobia about vomit, so just binged and held on to what I ate. I ate healthy food, and lots of it. I ate crap, and lots of it. I hid wrappers from no-one in particular (I didn't want to be reminded of my failing), I lied about what I'd eaten when no-one would have made me feel badly about it (not wanting to have to admit to my completely unreasonable behaviour out loud).
It was me. It wasn't anyone else, it wasn't pressure, it wasn't stress. It was a problem in my brain, with the cooperation of my hands and my mouth.
The more I listened to Jodi assign blame for her weight to everyone around her, the more I realized how important it is to take responsiblity for my behaviour. So here I am, admitting to very embarrasing lack of control (not that anyone looks at someone my size and is surprised to hear she has trouble controlling her eating), because I know it's on me.
Jodi's mother wasn't force-feeding her; her friends can't make her eat the crap at the fatty tex-mex restaurant. It's on her; until she figures that out, I fear she'll still be in trouble. She may lose a lot of weight (as I did), but unless she accepts responsiblity for her behaviour, she'll be likely to gain it back (as I also did).
Wow, that's some review. I won't be watching Heavy again, because it confirmed my impressions of what follow-the-weakling-as-she/he-tries-to-become-normal-like-you reality shows are like and for.
As we say on Facebook, "dislike."
Monday, January 17, 2011
Annie: weigh-in week 14
This looks better than it is, thanks largely to the problem with my scale - but I'll take it!
I do note that I'm up 0.5 lbs since Friday, when I first tried the Wii scale - harrumph. There's no reason for it, particularly, though - food in/food out, water in/water out, eventually!
Off now to the treadmill...
Lost this week: 5.5 (not likely true, but need to balance last week's reading with this week's)
Lost so far: 41.5
Still remaining: 58.5
Activity points earned this week: 24
Weeks to go: 38
I do note that I'm up 0.5 lbs since Friday, when I first tried the Wii scale - harrumph. There's no reason for it, particularly, though - food in/food out, water in/water out, eventually!
Off now to the treadmill...
Lost this week: 5.5 (not likely true, but need to balance last week's reading with this week's)
Lost so far: 41.5
Still remaining: 58.5
Activity points earned this week: 24
Weeks to go: 38
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